Archive | October, 2010

Youth for Kenya Night

22 Oct

Hey all,

I hope this message finds you well. We would like to invite you to a night dubbed ‘Thursday Thriller’. Sin Bin Sports Lounge has been kind enough to host us. It will be on the 28th of this month.

The theme of the night is networking and patriotism. If you have products or services to showcase or spread, you can do it here. Come meet like minded people, making a difference. There will be a raffle and prizes to be won.

We plan on making this a success doing this on the first and last Thursday of every month, so you are welcome.

You can view the event page at

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=154763834558801

Thanks.

Regards,

Phillip.

Stupid Things Celebrities Say

13 Oct

1. “What’s Wal-Mart? Do they, like, make walls there?” – Paris Hilton

2. “Smoking kills. And if you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” – Brooke Shields

3. “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean, I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death stuff.” – Mariah Carey

4. “I’ve never wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.” – Britney Spears

5. “I’m not anorexic. I’m from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I’ve never heard of one. And that includes me.” – Jessica Simpson

6. “I get to go to lots of overseas places like Canada.” – Britney Spears

7. “I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.” – Tara Reid

8. “I think the Clueless movie was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think the lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.” – Alicia Silverstone

9. “It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren’t, then I’d be a teacher.” – Linda Evangelista

10. (Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?) Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we did live forever, then we would live forever, which is why I would not live forever.” – Heather Whitestone, Miss Alabama

11. “Is this chicken that I have or is it fish? I know it’s tuna but it says ‘Chicken of the Sea’.” – Jessica Simpson

12. “So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” – Christina Aguilera

Keep The Damned Egg

13 Oct

A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other.

The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen’s eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman’s garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.

The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.

The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, “In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg.”

The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles.

The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, “Now it’s my turn to kick you.”

The Scotsman smiled and said, “Ye can keep the damn egg!!”

Jesus is Watching You

13 Oct

One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, “Jesus is watching you!” while he rumagged through the desk.

He replied, “Who said that?!”

Once again he heard the same thing, “Jesus is watching you!”

The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied, “Cornelius.”

The robber said, “What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!”

The parrot said, “The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!”

Microsoft Support

13 Oct

A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous.

At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: “Hey, where am I?”. The solitary office worker replies: “You’re in an airplane.”. The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport’s runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it.

“Elementary,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees.”

Successful Sons

13 Oct

Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they started discussing them. The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owned a factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture. The second man said his son was doing just as well. He was a manager at a car sales firm. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari. The third man said his was doing well too. He was a manager at a bank. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend money to buy a house. The fourth man just shook his head.
He said his son was gay and hadn’t amounted to much. But he must be doing something right because, just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!

Competition

13 Oct

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ‘BEST DEALS.’

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘LOWEST PRICES.’

The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read ‘MAIN ENTRANCE’.

%d bloggers like this: